


Checkmate!

by danajeanne



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Bad Poetry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danajeanne/pseuds/danajeanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A poem of Ray's thoughts about wanting Bodie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Checkmate!

It's just that I'm afraid.  
There, I've admitted it.  
I love him so much.  
my heart could explode  
from the wanting, the need--  
for him to complete the jigsaw  
that claims my soul.

It's impossible now,  
to be with him in the car, in his flat--  
anywhere; all I want is to  
grab him and touch every  
piece of his body with mine.  
I'm so ready to lunge,  
my toes ache as I try  
to keep still.

There's a lump deep inside  
so big I can't breathe.  
Won't he see the pain  
spilling from my eyes?  
Or hear the words  
struggling out to be heard  
as normal-nothing's-wrong.  
Smile, Ray. Laugh, Ray.  
Life's just a joke--  
and I'm giving away  
the clown's tears.

Ruffling my hair, patting my arse,  
pushing me up to-- and past --  
the limit of bearable pain.  
As though he's teasing or testing  
to see how far he can go.  
I flaunt and flirt and wiggle;  
do all I can to make him look  
and see how strong I'm wanting.  
Birds all flock, so why not him? 

He adores perfection and beauty.  
And then there's me:  
round, little eyes, crooked teeth;  
ugly me!  
And bloody hell , this cheekbone:  
shattered and put back together  
upside down and around.  
All I have is my body,  
to tempt him and pull him in.  
I can't live like this anymore.  
If I say anything, do anything,  
he'll run so far, I'll spend eternity  
trying to find him.  
I'd have no life without him.  
But the way I live now:  
waking at night reaching out,  
to find only cold, empty space?

I can't bear to be near him;  
won't survive if we part.  
I'm trapped forever  
in a spiral of fear,  
turning and shattering;  
endlessly lost.

Take a chance? (Yellow coward)  
We're partners, best mates,  
a whole--not quite done.  
He'd kill for me, and I for him.  
We know each other's thoughts,  
can time our actions to the second  
without a wasted word.  
That's trust and faith.  
It's love.  
Why should I think  
he'd fling me away,  
for telling how I feel?

 

I'm scared....  
He's playing a game with me--  
I think.  
Such an icy, closed-feeling facade  
he wears, to show the world  
who he is.  
Fools all but me;  
I know this man!  
The deeper he feels,  
the harder he jokes and....  
plays around?  
Ruffling my hair?  
Patting my arse!  
Touching me.

Do I dare?  
I know I'm right.  
I'll play his game.  
Touch me, Bodie,  
once more.......

Check-mate!


End file.
